A buddy of mine sent me an email some time ago reminding me of the unique gift of a teacher we had in high school...
Scott Ausbrooks was the Chemistry teacher at my alma mater - Sheridan High School. He had a real way with words. I found a list of Mr. Ausbrooks' quotes in an old year book. I thought you might get a kick out of them. Imagine a heavy set, bearded man delivering them in a dead pan voice to a bunch of rowdy high school students...I must say I've been the recipient of several of these remarks.
Here are the quotes - and I've included some old yearbook photos to help you "picture" these timeless words! Since high school, I've had the privilige of getting to know "Scott" as a friend, including several hunting trips with him. He's never lost his touch! He is currently hiding out at Harmony Grove High School near Benton, Arkansas.
Quiet, you children of the corn.
You're a quality individual with dynamic proclivities.
What a muldoon!
I'll keep that in mind as I give you your "F."
Have a large time.
You've obviously mistaken me for someone who has money.
Out in the road ditch.
Y'all are blabbin', blabbin', blabbin'.
Must have been some mutant troll.
Flit, flit, flit.
Park your carcass.
Close your cake-holes, there's no cake here.
Control your animal urges until the bell rings.
It's as hot as a fried owl in here.
I don't care! You can put wads of paper on the back of your Elvis Presley jacket and call it the Appalachian Mountains if you want to!
Dumb as a sled-load of mud.
Well, what are you going to do, take away my birthday?
The amount of extra work I am going to give you may rival the Old Testament.
Anybody with one eye and half sense knows that.
Long as a wagon rut.
Now why'd you do that? You must have gone coo coo for Cocoa Puffs.
You can do anything you want to. You can jump up and down and spit out marbles for all I care.
Study until you croak...then study two more hours.
Would you like to leave now, or wait two seconds?
I'll give you thirty minutes to quit that.
The Earth is a large place. My classroom is only one tiny corner of the Earth. Perhaps some other tiny corner would be better for you to inhabit right now.
Going to school doesn't make you a student any more than crawling into an oven makes you a biscuit.